On making time...

Thoughts on the to do’s that fill our cup & finding my identity as a mom

image via pinterest

A common theme that I’m feeling, reading about and discussing, has been the constant struggle many of us feel on making time for ourselves. I’m not talking about showering, eating a good meal, or doing a 10 step skincare routine. Which I know we’re struggling to make time for. I’m talking about making time for the things we enjoy, that fills our cup, which tends to fall to the bottom of the list. The things that make us, us, that make us individuals. The interests and hobbies that bring us together and create shared experiences outside of having kids the same age.

I’m going to preface this by saying I love being a mom, making a home and taking care of those around me. My love language is acts of service, so I show my love by doing for others the way I would want done for me. So now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s get into it.

I get overwhelmed with tasks that are part of my job (as a mom, and primary caretaker) that need to get done. Like laundry, meal planning, grocery shopping, tidying etc. it’s not that I don't enjoy keeping house or figuring out what we’re going to eat for the week, it’s that these tasks are time consuming and fall under the realm of my responsibilities that I don’t jump for joy for. I’ve discussed this before here, more so about “chores” and making a choice to let the dishes sit in the sink for a little longer than maybe you normally would to read a book while the baby is napping, or making time to write while the kids are at school instead of running errands kid free. I always feel pulled in so many directions anytime I have “free” time — like what should I do, I have thirty minutes left before school pick-up, how much can I accomplish in both my “must do” list and “want to” list. Almost like they’re competing against each other. Another thing to add to the mother load — task organization!

On a more personal note — I was talking to my husband last night about all the things we need to do before our son’s birthday next week. He was asking (and is more than capable) to take on some of these tasks, but I want to do it (part control freak, part type A, part this is my baby and I need to do it problems). We were talking about how much I love our kids' birthdays, but it also stresses me out because I put so much pressure on myself to make it *perfect* for them. And in turn, it has an impact on me. I want to see their little faces light up and experience so much happiness, at the same time, the errands and to do’s to prepare are time consuming and not always a cup filler for me when it feels like the list is daunting. I love my kids with everything, but at times it feels like motherhood can be such a heavy lift, on the contrary, things that I dread (like calling the doctor’s office to make their appointments), can be super easy! I guess it’s all part of the build up.

As I gear up for what will be a busy week ahead (I know it’s only Thursday), I’m writing this as a way to process and air out my thoughts around making time for enjoyment. I felt incredibly stuck this week and like the creative juices just weren’t flowing. I felt uninspired and unsure where to turn to for inspiration but I scrolled the stack, I read this & this. And slowly brought myself to write while tending to my sick 4 year old. I’ve finally figured out what I enjoy outside of being a mom — it took years to get here. For a while I was drowning in motherhood, my whole identity was surrounded around being a mom, and didn’t know how I would get to where I am now.

So I guess what I’m saying is I’m proud of myself for discovering what I want to do when I get a minute of free time and that I have options, and creative outlets, which is exciting and new for me.

At the same time, I’m constantly struggling with how I make time for all of these things I want and need to do like —

writing

building my business

personal development

social media content creation

working with clients & doing the work I need to do for them!

spending quality time as a family (outside of the normal activities and chauffeuring)

date nights with my husband (or just having time to talk without being interrupted by a soon to be 3 year old & 4.5 year old, IYKYK)

spending time with girlfriends

catching up via phone / texting people back

home admin (meal planning, laundry, cooking, organizing, cleaning etc.)

watching a show??

reading or listening to an audiobook

The never ending list of things for kids and us (did I order more contacts? did I reschedule Jack’s allergist appointment? did I figure out summer camp? and so on…)

Plus so many more things but this is top of my mind on a daily basis. I want to do ALL of these things, even the mundane not as fun (to me) tasks because I love being a mom, making a home a home, and being a wife. I just wish I had more time for the things that make me excited.

image via pinterest

I don’t want to choke this up to “it’s not my season” because I don’t believe that - I think there’s weeks that maybe packed with all things mom’ing, and weeks that maybe a bit more open for me. But for me, the biggest lesson and take away is acceptance. Accepting that it’s ok that I don't get all the things I hoped I’d accomplish done. But also looking at it with a lens of gratitude. I’m grateful I’m here, I’m grateful I’m trying and working towards carving out the time for what makes me happy, and makes me who I am. I’m grateful to even explore this at all.

I'm writing this while one child naps and the other is building a fort — I don't know how I even got here but I did it. So here’s to all of us carving out bits of time for us, whether that’s writing, content creation, online shopping, thrifting, reading, working out, volunteering and so on. Here’s to us making time for whatever it is that fills that cup!

Until next time friends! Xx